I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
