I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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