my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
