Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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