so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
