Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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