it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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