i permit you to call me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
