I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize