I accidentally burped into my bong.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
