I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
