This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
