then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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