yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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