Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
