Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
