I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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