And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
