First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
