I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
