i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
