just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
