If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we're making bets on your personal life
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize