There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
