great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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