life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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