Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
