after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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