Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
