You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
