you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
