We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
