you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
