he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
