I'm lost and stupid without you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
