Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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