you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So gin and wine won't be happening again
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
