drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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