Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
