hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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