Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
