wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
