She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
