did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
