It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
