I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
