Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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