good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
