do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
