I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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