Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm like, not good at living.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
