i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
