I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
