if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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