im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
