Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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