If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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