she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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