dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Randomize
