Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
