help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
