just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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