too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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