No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
