Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
