Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
