I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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