So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
