Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
there is glitter all over my balls
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize