She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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